


A sweet, hesitant love

by ShinigamiCara



Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: F/M, Falling In Love, Love Confessions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-25
Updated: 2016-08-25
Packaged: 2018-08-10 23:04:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,227
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7864987
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShinigamiCara/pseuds/ShinigamiCara
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Grell had enough of being refused by Will. Broken-hearted as she was, the Shinigami gave up everything. But finally her prince made a move.<br/>Love happens, no need to fight against it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A sweet, hesitant love

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING: My English is far from being perfect!
> 
> This story is the English version of my first ever Grelliam fic, I tried to do my best when translating it. I know there are mistakes in it, please don't hate me. Your help to find and correct them would be much appreciated :)

After finishing his work, William T. Spears, the painstakingly accurate Reaper, looked around on the square where he collected the last soul. The night was still and cold; nobody was on the streets. He checked in his list if everything was documented (of course everything was, we’re talking about William), and he headed for the Centre of his Dispatch as he remembered that he’d show around the new Shinigamis the next day, and he still had to prepare everything there.

 Will adjusted his glasses with a quick movement and he moved on. He was as fast as the wind; he advanced rapidly through the thick darkness. He was jumping from roof to roof and he landed every time like a graceful wild cat. His shoes were thudding on the ice cold tiles even softer as a sigh; he kept ripping the shrill coldness in front of him with his arms.

 _’So, the Beginners come for eight, this means I have to be ready with everything for seven thirty sharply, and then…’_ His thoughts suddenly got cut. He landed on the next roof with a slight thud and glanced around distrustfully. _‘I think I’ve seen something…_ ’ Gazing all around him, he examined the roofs one by one, searching for the mysterious person in the depths of the night. _‘No matter who’s there’_ he thought _‘I can deal with it._ ’ He summoned his death scythe as quickly as it was possible. An icy, metallic sparkle was seen in the pale moonlight, as his weapon appeared. . His fingers clasped its handle; touching the stable metal calmed him immediately. His green eyes were scanning the surrounding; London seemed to be absolutely quiet.

 _‘I think it’s high time for me to have a day of and relax a bit’_ the Reaper thought, slightly embarrassed, and he shook his head. He tried to get rid of all his paranoid thoughts and just wanted to move on, but then…

  Then he noticed it.

A crimson red flash in the shadow, right on the other roof on the left. A patch of textile, a well-known color. William let his arms fall beside his torso and he sighed.

_Grell Sutcliff._

His subordinate was sitting on the piles, back against a chimney and William couldn’t see her face. _‘She hasn’t noticed me’_ he supposed. _‘I have some time for disappearing.’_

William recalled the numerous occasions when Grell was trying to seduce him; he remembered his own disgraceful and clumsy refusals. The countless affairs when he had to push away the Shinigami, quite rudely from time to time. William preferred tidiness, peace and harmony around him – he just couldn’t stand his subordinate who was too loud, irritant, flashy and bigmouthed.

William felt he’d better leave and save himself another embarrassing affair. He turned around, tightening all his muscles and preparing himself for the next jump.

That was the moment when he heard that loud sigh.

There was something so fallible, hopeless and… and… _humanly_ in it that William had to stop and turn to Grell again. It was unusual. Wholly different from Grell’s normal behavior. The loud, provocative and insolent Grell was never sad, but this sigh showed an indescribable sorrow. As if she’d given up everything.

Standing there confused and helplessly, looking at Grell, William noticed that her shoulders were slightly shaking.

Because of her sob.

William shook his head. ‘ _What’s that?’_ he asked himself. _‘Well… it might be another trap. A play. Yes, she wants to harass me, playing that stupid game, she thinks she can get me like this…’_ But the quiet hiccups of Grell made him step a bit closer. _‘Something’s wrong. I… I just check if she’s alright. That’s what I have to do. Then I’ll leave.’_

The Shinigami reached the other rooftop with only one efficient jump; then he approached the chimney slowly and carefully. He could hear Grell’s sob better. Bitter, repressed groans left her lips as Grell was crying. Some seconds later William could see her pressing her black-gloved fingers against her mouth to stifle these sounds. William was hesitating. What could he do there? If Grell was there all alone, it was because she wanted to be alone. So it wasn’t advisable to disturb her, right? But on the other hand… it might have been better to intervene in, just in case Grell was about to do something senseless and stupid – something that may cause that Will gets punished too.

William decided to make a move. He cleared his throat and stepped forward.

‘Grell Sutcliff?’

Her sob was cut. The air immediately froze around them. William took a look on his death scythe he was still holding in his arm. He knew perfectly how violent Grell was; he could imagine easily that his subordinate would attack him in revenge for disturbing her.

But the night was silent, nothing happened. Grell sat there in complete silence, William was waiting.

‘Grell-san?’

‘Leave me alone.’

Grell was moving a bit, looking for a more comfortable position to sit, she was sniffling a bit, then the complete silence fell on them again. Will didn’t even make a move. He didn’t want to leave Grell there.

‘Listen, I –‘

‘I’ve told you to leave me alone!!!’ Grell shouted and suddenly she was standing in front of him. Her furious voice was floating away in the cold night of London, up and up, till it reached the sky that was flecked by millions of shiny little stars. William stepped backwards, totally spontaneously. Grell’s coat was waving in the trenchant wind, her messy locks were floating around her face. Her face… it was white as porcelain, and her eyes got red because of crying. That made her irises look even greener as usual. The faint moonlight lit her tiny, shark-like teeth too. Her chest was moving fast up and down as she was wheezing. She was so angry of him. ‘I don’t want to see you’ she added quietly.

William looked at her a little bit surprised. He didn’t understand the situation. Grell didn’t want to look into his eyes, she pressed her lips together and suddenly sat down again. She turned her back to William, showing him that she didn’t need his company.

‘Listen, I just–‘ William adjusted his glasses ‘So, I’ve seen you’re not alright, and I decided to check what the matter was before leaving.’ William has never ever been so embarrassed like in that moment. ‘Hm, I didn’t want you to do anything irrecoverable or so.’

Grell started laughing, as sarcastically as she could. Her voice echoed in a creepy way above the houses of London. Will quivered a bit; he wasn’t prepared for it.

‘Oh, _of course_ , Will’ Grell murmured, still forcing herself not to look at the other Reaper, ‘you’re always thinking of work. _Checking_. Because the precise, painstaking and refined Spears-san has a great reputation that _can’t_ suffer a damage, am I right?’

‘What are you talking about?’ Will’s stupefaction couldn’t be more real.

‘About _you_. About your _manias_.’ Grell stopped talking; they were listening to the wind that was hitting them again and again. ‘That’s– Not important. Go away. Leave me alone.’

‘No.’ William stepped closer. ‘I won’t leave until you tell me what happened to you.’ Grell remained silent. ‘Alright, Sutcliff. You can do that too.’ The Grim Reaper sat down beside Grell – not too close but not too far neither. The redhead turned her head to avoid his gaze.

‘Why do you care of my problems?’ she muttered.

‘I’m interested.’ Will meditated for some seconds. ‘I’m simply wondering why the flamboyant, rebellious Grell Sutcliff, who could reach everything she wanted, is sitting on a rooftop, sobbing all alone.’

‘That’s how you see me?’ Grell whispered. Tiny little clouds of steam left her lips as she talked and exhaled in the cold.

‘We all see you like this’ William claimed and his voice seemed softer than usual. ‘Will you tell me what the problem is?’

Grell hugged her own knees to protect herself; she was like a little child. Fragile. Afraid. Abandoned. She inhaled deeply; William was sure she wouldn’t say anything. He got surprised when he heard Grell’s subdued voice:

‘I had enough.’

‘Of what?’

‘Of you. Me. Everything.’

‘What exactly do you mean by that?’

‘I reached everything – and that’s nothing. I’m someone, but still, no one.’

William made a weird grimace.

‘I’m afraid I don’t understand you’ he replied politely.

‘I…’ Grell exhaled. ‘Forget it.’

‘What if I want to hear it?’

‘Are you sure?’

‘Wholly sure, yes.’

Grell was shivering in the ice cold wind. Her heart was apparently broken, and William was surprised to realize that he felt sorry for her. And that wasn’t the only thing. He noticed another bizarre feeling capturing his heart but he didn’t understand what it was. And… it was just much safer to ignore it, instead of starting to analyze it.

‘I was different all my life’ Grell started slowly. Her voice was weepy, it sounded so unfamiliar. ‘When I was a human, everyone was laughing me down. Because of my hair. My name. My family. My habits, the way I moved or acted. They kept mocking at me, they were joking about my dreams, my desires, and… my loves.’ A harrowing sigh left her lips. ‘Then I became a Shinigami… I thought it was over for ever… and then I met you…’ At this point Grell just couldn’t help it, she started to cry again. The first tear was running down on her cheeks, followed by many other. She continued talking, though her words were hard to understand as her sob became stronger.

‘For the first time of my existence, I fell in love. I didn’t know what to do. I think I reacted badly and you pushed me away and I… I was so afraid… I tried to get you, I needed your love but you didn’t want me… So I decided to change, just to forget you, I started being flamboyant, I chose this crimson red coat and I seduce everyone, I became a rebel, but really, nobody ever knew that my heart was broken… Shakespeare said that all the world’s a stage, so… I decided to become an actress, a drama queen, I became the wonderful and notorious Grell Sutcliff… I made the others believe that I am special and happy but here–‘ she put one of her hands on her chest, right on her heart ‘here I feel an indescribable pain and I had enough, I had enough, I had enough…’

William was listening carefully (and slightly shocked too). He was amazed by the storm in the other Reaper's heart. When Grell couldn’t go on, he acted without thinking. He put his right palm on his subordinate’s shoulder.

‘Grell.’

The Shinigami looked up, her tears made her mascara paint eerie lines on her beautiful face. Her lips were trembling a bit, desperately wanting to say something. William leaned closer to wipe away her bitter tears, the materialized proofs of Grell’s immense sorrow with his gloved hands.

‘I didn’t know’ he said awkwardly, a bit shocked by the fact that he touched his subordinate so easily. It was weird, unusual but still… somehow appropriate.

‘Don’t do this’ Grell begged, looking up to him with her beautiful emerald green eyes. ‘It just hurts more, Will.’

‘I have to apologize’ Will stated and he closed his eyes as he felt fully embarrassed. ‘To be honest, that’s not enough. I was rude to you, I hurt you so many times. You have to know that you scared me. I know, I know, that’s not an excuse, but still… I had no idea how much you were suffering. Can you… can you forgive me, Grell?’

‘Why should I?’ Grell whispered. ‘You’ll refuse me again. I… I can’t stand it anymore, Will.’

‘What if I don’t refuse you?’

‘Come on, you don’t love me’ Grell stated obstinately.

‘Why, do you love me?’

Grell looked right into his brilliant eyes. He could read the answer there. Those apparently strong and real feelings he could read made his heartbeat faster. This reaction made him terrified. _‘What… what’s happening with me?’_

‘But… the others’ Will mumbled. ‘Undertaker… and that… _demon_ …’

‘You know that Undertaker’s something different’ Grell shook her head lightly. She seemed so weak. ‘And Bassy… I believed that I loved him, I desperately needed someone… You know, he’s sooo _interesting_ and _handsome_ but… he could never… _never_ make me forget about you.’

William remained silent. As he was staring at the red Shinigami, the bizarre feeling he tried to ignore stared growing in his heart, until it became recognizable. _He loved Grell_. He loved her but he couldn’t admit it. What could he get from this… relationship? He didn’t know. And for some reason, he didn’t care.

He leaned a bit closer, slowly and carefully not to scare Grell. As the Reaper didn’t resist, he pulled her closer, as gently as possible. Grell nestled up to him, her face against his neck, her fluffy crimson red hair was caressing his skin. Will got rid on of his gloves and he smoothed those messy locks with his fingers.

‘Don’t cry’ he whispered and started wiping away the rest of her tears. When he touched her face his eyes widened. ‘Oh my, your skin’s hot!’

‘It’s because of you’ Grell mumbled, clutching at Will’s coat. She felt dizzy. ‘My love burns everything, this fire–‘

‘Sutcliff, you’re speaking rubbish.’ William caressed her soft skin again. ‘Is it possible that you have a temperature?’

‘Heh, we’re death gods, remember? I can’t be ill’ Grell replied but her voice was blurred. She was cold, her slightly shaking body looked for some warmth so she leaned even closer to Will.

‘I’ll carry you home’ William said immediately. ‘Come.’

But they soon found out that Grell wasn’t able to get up. She couldn’t stand on her feet; William took her carefully in his arms. She wasn’t heavy at all, her slim body felt light as a feather. William peered around a bit nervously.

‘You’re ashamed’ Grell stated, grinning weakly. The dangerous shark-like teeth were sparkling in the dark.

‘No!’

‘You’re afraid that someone will see you holding me in your arms…’

‘That’s not true!’

But, to be honest, that was the case. William had learned long ago that he had to separate work and social life (not that he had many things we could call social life but it doesn’t matter), so it went without saying that standing on that rooftop with Grell Sutcliff in his arms, he was horrified that another Reaper would show up…

But really… isn’t love bigger and stronger than shame? And why the hell should he be ashamed because of Grell? Grell was beautiful. Not in the usual meaning of the word but still, she was. _‘Oh my, I wish I knew what’s happening here! I’ve never been so confused before.’_

William started running, even faster as before. Grell clasped her arms around his neck and she closed her eyes not to see the streets fading away with a vertiginous speed underneath their feet. She was so exhausted; she had been sitting on that rooftop for… who knows how many hours? Sobbing desperately, all alone, giving up everything… Being safely held in Will’s arms, she didn’t dare to think of their future.

William’s speed could hit a record; they reached the accommodation quickly. It was five-storied block, not quite new but nicely maintained. William’s flat was on the top floor, as far from the others as possible. He entered the flat, lit some candles to get rid of the darkness and carried Grell into the living room. He put his subordinate on the couch carefully. In the tremulous golden candlelight Grell seemed even paler as before. She has never been at William’s home but unfortunately she felt too weak to enjoy this opportunity.

‘I’m cold’ the red Shinigami muttered.

‘That’s because of the silly way you wear your coat’ Will replied, his voice seemed less official and more softer than ever. He referred to Madam Red’s scarlet coat, Grell’s most precious treasure that was always on her, slid down slightly on her shoulders.

‘Don’t you like the way I wear it?’ Grell looked up with real anxiety in her eyes.

‘I do like it. Wait a minute, I’ll help you.’ He kindly helped Grell to get rid of the coat, then he removed her gloves too. ‘Your fingers are ice cold’ he whispered. Having removed her crimson red high heeled shoes too, he looked for a warm duvet and wrapped Grell in it carefully and thoroughly. ‘There. That will help you to warm up a bit.’

They were there; Grell on the couch, William kneeling on the floor beside her. They were staring at each other’s eyes. She was different, he got confused. She won – but he didn’t want to admit it. Everything seemed so fragile and dangerous. This moment became endless.

‘Hmmm, Will?’

‘Yes?’

‘I… I don’t want you to leave me.’

The Reaper stood up. He knew perfectly that he still had some work to do, preparing everything for the greenhorns but Grell was there and… it was late anyway.

‘I’m here with you’ he said without thinking.

‘Can’t you…? Come closer.’ Grell was begging with her eyes wide open. ‘Please.’

‘Wait.’

William took off his coat and he got rid of that uncomfortable black tie too. For some minutes he was hesitating, looking at Grell, but then he took off his shoes too and laid down beside her. He was surprised how easy it was, he couldn’t believe that those strong feelings he got used to when meeting Grell like disgust, irritation or fear had faded away. They weren’t there anymore – they left some space for other feelings William never knew.

Grell nestled to him immediately, her head on his chest, those wonderful locks covered them both. The Shinigami sighed – a small sound showing her satisfaction as she calmed down. William took her hand. It was cold but still, so soft…

‘Sleep’ he murmured into her ear. ‘You have to sleep a bit. You’ll feel better in the morning.’

‘I don’t want to talk about the morning.’ Grell grasped his snow white shirt. ‘You’re going to leave me, right?’

‘Grell.’

‘What?’

‘Tomorrow morning when you get up I won’t be here. I have to be in the Centre, you know, it’s my task to show round the new Reapers.’ He sighed. ‘Though I’d gladly leave it out. But I’m in charge of it. Grell, I want you to trust me. As soon as I finish I’ll be here.’

There was no answer. William was listening to her breathing for some minutes, trying to guess if she’d fallen asleep. He carefully caressed her face; Grell’s eyelashes tickled his skin as the Reaper opened her eyes.

‘Should I believe you?’ Grell whispered.

‘It’s up to you.’ William was shocked finding out that there was a vague smile on his lips. ‘I’d be glad to find you here.’

Soon they fell asleep. Their sleep was sweet; it covered them as a soft duvet. They were both tired. Grell snuggled up to William tightly, her body was hot because of her temperature but Will didn’t mind it. They were sleeping relieved, peacefully and well.

At down, so early, William had to leave. He was laying on the couch for some moments, observing the sleeping Reaper on his own chest, then he slowly removed Grell’s arms from his torso. He stood there, hesitating, but he simply pressed a kiss on her forehead and put on his clothes. He knew that day would be hard, harder than ever but his practical self was ready to guide him. Of course he was thinking about Grell all the time, of course he couldn’t stop replaying last night in his head – but he kept doing his work, precisely and perfectly as always.

He had to decide what to do. He was meditating on it all the way he showed round the new Shinigamis in the Centre. He was thinking about it when he had his lunchbreak. He was pondering on it all afternoon while collecting souls. What to do? Did he want to be with Grell? It was clear and undeniable that he loved her. But could this work?

They were so different. They argued a lot before. Wouldn’t it be more painful for both of them if they start a relationship? But then he remembered Grell’s face from last night, her tears, her words, that look that showed him that she was really in love with him…

The decision was born late afternoon by the collection of the last soul. Will held his scythe stably while the cinematic records got furled on it – and he thought: who cares what the others' opinion were! He wanted to give it a try.

He arrived to his flat completely out of breath; horrified by the idea of Grell not being there anymore. But she was there. She was sitting by the window of the living room, staring at London with a dreamy look on her face. She had a sketchbook on her lap and a pencil in her hand, her fingers moved a bit from time to time as she drew lines on the paper. The faint sunbeams lit her crimson locks. William stood there, drinking in the sight of her. She seemed so calm, so wonderful. So cuddlesome. William has never seen her so attractive like in that moment, the simplicity of the scene has touched his heart.

‘Grell…’ he muttered, completely amazed.

The Reaper turned around, her wide smile allowed to see her tiny but sharp teeth. She put the sketchbook and her pencil down, jumped up and threw herself on William, hugging him tightly.

‘Will!’

‘H-hey, slow down a bit’ William giggled, a slight but visible blush was on his cheeks.

‘I’m sorry’ Grell said immediately. ‘It’s hard to get rid of my habits, you know…’

‘That’s okay.’ William cleared his throat and adjusted his glasses, trying hard to regain his seriousness. ‘How are you?’

‘Much better! I don’t have a temperature anymore, I feel alive again.’ She was grinning. ‘How was your day, my love?’

‘Painfully long’ William sighed as he sat down on the couch, leaning back, closing his eyes. Grell was observing him; the tired Shinigami seemed normal again. He wasn’t rude, no, but he wasn’t that kind as the last night neither. This made Grell hesitate a bit.

‘Umm, Will?’

‘Yes?’

‘Does it mean that… it’s over?’ William opened his eyes and looked at her. She seemed so miserable, standing in front of him. ‘Do I have to leave and continue my life as before?’

‘Well that’s… something we should discuss.’

 _‘Discuss. That doesn’t sound well’_ Grell thought as she slowly sat down beside William. She didn’t want to feel that immense pain, that unbearable sorrow again.

‘If you’re ready too… I think we could give it a try.’

Grell’s eyes widened as she heard these words. She grabbed one of her locks and started to screw it on her finger, just to conceal her confusion.

‘I’m sorry, what?’

‘We could give it a try’ William replied, looking away as he blushed completely. ‘I know we are two different worlds, but still… if that’s what you need… I’d like to be with you.’

‘Are you serious?’ Grell exclaimed, her eyes filled up with tears. She found out that her hands were shaking violently. For the first time of her existence, she couldn’t deal with her emotions. ‘Will–‘

The Reaper took Grell’s hands in his to stop them for shaking. They stood there, gazing each other. Grell opened her mouth to say something but she remained silent. William leaned closer, reducing the distance between them. He could feel her warm breathing on his cheeks. Those emerald eyes were shining, reflecting his own face. Grell lifted her head to reach his lips; William’s eyes widened as he felt her soft kiss. Grell put her arms around his neck, William gently grabbed her shining locks to pull her closer and closer. The kiss got deeper, Grell opened her mouth and William followed her. He wasn’t really experienced in it, so it was reassuring that the red Reaper controlled the situation.

Completely out of breath, Grell leaned back, still gazing into William’s eyes. She couldn’t believe it. He wanted her. He admitted it! Her smile was shining in the dusk. William kindly touched her face.

‘We’ll need some rules’ he whispered.

‘Like what?’

‘I don’t want you to bother me while working. I love you, but I can’t concentrate on my work if you’re around.’ Grell laughed but then nodded. ‘And there’s something else.’

‘Yes, my darling?’ Grell asked, a little bit mocking on him.

‘I don’t want to hear about… _adorable_ demons any more, clear?’

Grell started tittering loudly; her voice echoed in the flat and filled William’s heart with warmth. She shook her head and pressed her lips against his.

‘No more Bassy, I promise,’ she murmured, kissing her love again and again.

‘Perfect.’ William pulled her closer till Grell was sitting on his lap. ‘There. What shall we do now?’

‘Anything you want.’ Grell’s smile widened. ‘The night is ours.’

William wasn’t able to reply. His words were cut by an eager kiss.


End file.
